Are we there yet, Papa Smurf?

Are we there yet?
Yeah, that’s me talking to myself again. Usually when I start doing that it is because I am not happy where I’m at. With who I am. I can’t help but look at myself a year ago and the things I wanted to change and I have to ask myself if I have even started to change yet. It’s not that I don’t pray for guidance... I do. I pray everyday for God to guide my actions so I can be a better person than the one I was the day before. Some days he has to yell to get me to hear him, some days it is a gentle nudge in the right direction and well someday’s it comes to me like a brick out of no-where. How can I expect change if I hold on to the things that prevent me from changing. You can’t just alter the inside, you have to clean up what surrounds you on the outside if you want to see change. Unfortunately it is the things that are the hardest to get rid of. Jesus said if even our right hand, eye, anything causes us to sin we must cut it off. I know, that sounds pretty harsh to me too, but he also said we must lay aside every weight that hinders us. How can I expect to move, without leaving a few things behind. They may not be bad things, but my attachment to them may be the one thing drawing me further and further away from the person he created me to be. So starting today, one by one, I make a vow to release them. Every sacrifice I make to follow God is never really a sacrifice but a chance for life.. ...a better life. It may be hard, but I know God would never take away from me anything that I need, but actually GIVE to me more than I could ever imagine.

What faith can do.

I didn't write this. Wish I had.. but luckily, someone wrote it for me.

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

World According to Stephanie

I believe :
that being rich is overrated otherwise more people would be doing it.
that the grass probably is greener on the other side but its probably because its not real grass.
that deep fried turkeys are quite possibly the next best thing to ..well. Lets just say they are the best.
that Santa Claus is a nice thought, but Jesus is a nicer one.
that Jeff Gordan is a cry baby nanny.
that everyday should be Sunday. Ah.. I love Sundays.
that if you are going to shove your political views down someones throat, dont get all dressed up and do it at the Emmys.
that if you are ugly to someone it will catch up with you eventionally.
that bubble baths are tiny vacations.
that high heels make you feel sassy.
that my parents are looking down on me. And maybe even smiling.
that models obviously have not tried popeyes chicken nor their mashed potatoes otherwise they would not be models.
that Hudsons is my Macy's
that if someone is going to drink and drive, they should do it when only their family is on the road...NOT MINE
that the best smell in the world is Crayola Crayons
that Matthew McConahey is still pretty dang sexy even if he is not wearing deodarant
that family is the most important thing in life
that Jesus really DOES love me
that we should support our troops even if we dont believe in war
that we should not have to learn Spanish to live in AMERICA
that doors should be held open for the next person coming in
that you should never be too old to show respect
that my children are the cutest kids in the world,
that not all rap music is bad
that i may be addicted to sweet tea
that you can make a difference in someones day just by smiling
that sometimes a manicure makes everything allright
that its okay to wear your hair in a pony tail when you are 38
hat child molesters should be drug through a field of broken glass
that love bugs are the devil
that I will possibly never go on a cruise
that everyone should have 2 older brothers like mine
that true love is unselfish
that work days should be from 10-2 with a hour off for lunch
that Merle Haggard really can sing pretty good
that Molly Ringwald didn't know how popular she really was
that 80's rock stars did not own mirrors
that im lucky i married my best friend
that old people are pretty dag gum interesting if you take the time to listen
that my house is not clean enough to pass a white glove test
that 2011 is going to be my year.right Marty?)
that I will open my own business one day
the people who put the yellow line down your reciept at Sam's really could care less what you have in your buggy and they only pretend to check it.
that Justin Timberlake didn't bring all the sexy back..but maybe some.

Thats all for now. :)

Trust

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths"
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

"TRUST"

Trust. I have always had a problem with this one. I’m sure we all have at one time or another. Due to life experiences, my ability to trust was pretty much shattered (or at least I thought it was). Whether it be from self doubt to low self esteem, bad relationships to suspicion, I blamed them all on my lack of ability to trust. I had a real problem trusting people and figured everyone out for something. It wasn’t until recently I discovered that not only did I have a problem trusting others, but I had a problem trusting God as well.

I know that sounds harsh, but for those of you who know me, you know that I am a worry wart. Never really thought of it as a problem. It was just "who I was". If my friend was hurting.... I worried. If my bills were late.....I worried. Despite the fact that I knew it is a sin to worry.... I would still worry. Then I would actually worry about what God would think about me worrying and try to convince my self that it wasn’t actually "worry", per se, but more like I was really, really, really, really concerned....Yeah I know. God didn’t buy it either.

I have always had a relationship with God. Some times stronger than others. I am by far NOT perfect...I have turned my back on God so many times when I thought I knew it all. And with a gentle nudge God would always find a way to remind me that I didn’t know as much as I thought I did, . However, through all the struggles in my life, I could always lean on God to give me strength to help me get through it and he always kept his promise to me. All the while, worry was still a big part of my struggle.

Through every trial in my life, God was always there. No matter what we were going through at the time. House fire, lost parents, lost friends, sickness, personal problems, financial needs.. I could feel his presence when I would reach out to him. I cant begin to count the times he has blessed us as a family even the when I knew we/I didn’t deserve it. One thing I know for a fact I have always taken forgranted was the fact that my husband had been blessed with a amazing job that paid us what we needed to survive. More like what we thought we needed to survive. Even when times were tight, we always pulled through and found a way to make ends meet. I had a love/hate relationship with this job. Even though the benefits, the pay, the security was a blessing. The selfish wife in me longed for more time with him. Less hours away from home. I hated the fact that he was gone before I woke up, and asleep before I got home. I missed my husband and sometimes I even prayed that God would find a way for us to have more time together as a family. Once again, God kept his promise...however this time, it was by my husband loosing his job. At that moment I realized that I was not depending on God to provide for my family. I was depending on our income.


With the job loss, you forget all the benefits of having a job. The insurance, the vacation time, the flexible hours.. all gone in a blink of a eye. Your first thought is the question God. Especially in this economy, what have we done so terrible that would make God allow this to happen to us. We have a mortgage, kids, bills due.... Then the worrying began. I was so focused on the "what are we going to do" instead of the "What is God’s plan for us???" I sat down and began to pray. First I prayed for peace. Peace to be able to handle this. Assurance that we are going to be okay. I opened my bible and began reading . The first passage I turned to was "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths"(Proverbs 3:5-6). Wow! That got my attention. The more I read, the words just started pouring off the pages and touching me in a way that they had never done before. Before I knew it, I had read 4 chapters and each chapter spoke to me in magnitude. I knew what I had to do.


I had to "GIVE IT TO GOD", (like I really had a handle on it in the first place). And I’m not talking about.. A little bit, I’m talking about total control. Do you know how hard that is? Total control means to trust God completely, praying and watching him work out ALL the details in your life. There are times I feel like screaming "Are you kidding me?" ............"Right now , you want me to learn this lesson???" Plus I had the anger and determination to protect my man by torturing and tearing out the eyes out of the people who did this. Yeah, I admit. I thought that.. :) I like to think that God knew how I was going to react.. And loves me all the same....

I thought I had been through the tough times, but learning to give God totally control is a feeling like no other. It is the true test of faith. Being able to step outside of your comfort zone and walk in total belief that God has brought you to this place in your life BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU. Because he wants to see you grow in faith. This IS his will for your life. That’s powerful stuff right there. Not only powerful, but very humbling.

It is very easy to get comfortable in your blessings. So much so that you stop thinking of them as blessings, but rather just something that you earned. Let me assure you. Everything you have is a blessing... Even the stuff you dont think are blessings are blessings. One lesson I realized was what a true gift it is to have a job. Even one that you don’t like so much. I look back at all the Mondays I mumbled and grumbled and drug my self into work, and wish I could take them all back. Welll. Most Mondays. :)

I guess what inspired me the most to write this is the fact that when I look back in time at what I thought were some of the biggest struggles in my life, where I held on to doubt and worry the most, and realized those are the times where I see the evidence of God’s hand upon my life. I can point out the exact moments where he directed "my" decisions and my walk with Him, from the biggest challenges to the most intimate moments of my day. In fact, he did that without me even realizing it. This was a tough blow for us, but I can already see Gods hand moving across us. We will be fine. We will become stronger. And even though I still have the instinct to try to understand and make sense of everything that happens to me and my family, it’s great to know I don’t have to understand everything. Isaiah 55:8-9 says, For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts".

So, to all the worry warts like me who may be reading this, my humble advise to you is this:

TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART. Even when things are out of control. They may not make sense to you, but God has a plan.



LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. "Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised) —Hebrews 10:23

IN ALL YOUR WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM.-- God is faithful. Be faithful back.

HE WILL DIRECT YOUR PATHS --God totally directs our paths. As much as we fight it. He knows the directions he wants us to go. If we trust Him we can grow in faith...

I’m still learning this valuable lesson, but I know in my heart that everything is going to be just fine as long as I hold on to the things I can depend on. MY FAMILY, MY TRUST AND MY FAITH.
.

Bring it "38".. I'm ready for ya.

It's August, It's August, My birthday month is August. :) So glad its my b-day month... Can you tell. I must admit.... The older I get, the less excited I seem to be about my birthday. I no longer put a ad in the newspaper or send out reminder cards... I just let it happen. I guess thats how it goes as you get older, but with that being said... I'm still excited. I love my birthday. I love the attention it brings... Guess that means Im a glory hog... well.. perhaps.. but I guess I could always be worse..lol

We went to Memphis this past weekend. So much fun. I really do love going places... Especially with the kids. They get such a rush out of staying in a hotel. lol.. its fun to watch. Plus they are getting so big so dang fast. It seems as if Maddie aged 3 years this summer. I just cant believe it when I look at her. I wonder when it happened.

Other than that.. school started, started a new diet.. trying to keep on trucking on. Im feeling a little better about stuff, life is good.

Dad

Oh how I wish my dad was here. There has been atleast 5 times over the course of this weekend that I have wanted to just get in my car and drive over there. He always knew the exact thing to say to me, sometimes without even having to say a word. I know I talk about my dad a lot. And trust, me. I miss my mom too. But the conversations I remember most about real life have been with Dad. He was there when I found the man I wanted to marry and I went to him for his approval. He walked me down the isle holding my hand soo tightly that my knuckles were white. He was the first person I called when I found out I was pregnant after being told my whole life I would never have children. He was the first person I called the worst night of my life when we pulled up to find our home and everything in it burned to the ground and was the only one able to make me feel at ease. He was my bestest friend and sometimes when things are going on with me and I get that feeling of wanting to run.. he was always the one that kept me grounded. I needed him this weekend.. and I have missed him so much that at times I find it hard for me to breathe. After his death I felt his strength. I have never felt that before and it was almost like I knew what he would do. What he would say. I feel that strength slipping away and I need it back.
I dont know why this is bothering me so. I guess it is just one of them days.

Bubble Bath Moments

Wow. What a amazing night. It's still overwhelming to me how God continues to take me out of my comfort zone and "nudge" me to do things I never drempt I would do. Tonight was the book signing for Bubble Bath Moments. In my mind I backed out of going atleast 5 times. LOL. I dont know what it is about me that is unable to take credit for something I have done, or swallow a compliment. I trembled as I walked through the doors only to find myself surrounded by wonderful ladies who made me feel at ease and part of a family. As I stood there, unsure of WHO would want MY autograph, I had the opportunity to meet wonderful REAL women who were touched by the stories written in this book. At that moment I was reminded that THAT is what is was all about. Not me, not being nervous... but having the opportunity to be a part of something encouraging. Be able to watch God touch the lives of others through what we had written. Women who felt just like us and lived each and every word of our testimony. Yes, even what I had written bursting with my all of my insecurites. God always has a way of putting us where he feels we need to be, whether we like it or not. It was truly a blessing and I'm so glad to be a part of it.