Trust

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths"
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

"TRUST"

Trust. I have always had a problem with this one. I’m sure we all have at one time or another. Due to life experiences, my ability to trust was pretty much shattered (or at least I thought it was). Whether it be from self doubt to low self esteem, bad relationships to suspicion, I blamed them all on my lack of ability to trust. I had a real problem trusting people and figured everyone out for something. It wasn’t until recently I discovered that not only did I have a problem trusting others, but I had a problem trusting God as well.

I know that sounds harsh, but for those of you who know me, you know that I am a worry wart. Never really thought of it as a problem. It was just "who I was". If my friend was hurting.... I worried. If my bills were late.....I worried. Despite the fact that I knew it is a sin to worry.... I would still worry. Then I would actually worry about what God would think about me worrying and try to convince my self that it wasn’t actually "worry", per se, but more like I was really, really, really, really concerned....Yeah I know. God didn’t buy it either.

I have always had a relationship with God. Some times stronger than others. I am by far NOT perfect...I have turned my back on God so many times when I thought I knew it all. And with a gentle nudge God would always find a way to remind me that I didn’t know as much as I thought I did, . However, through all the struggles in my life, I could always lean on God to give me strength to help me get through it and he always kept his promise to me. All the while, worry was still a big part of my struggle.

Through every trial in my life, God was always there. No matter what we were going through at the time. House fire, lost parents, lost friends, sickness, personal problems, financial needs.. I could feel his presence when I would reach out to him. I cant begin to count the times he has blessed us as a family even the when I knew we/I didn’t deserve it. One thing I know for a fact I have always taken forgranted was the fact that my husband had been blessed with a amazing job that paid us what we needed to survive. More like what we thought we needed to survive. Even when times were tight, we always pulled through and found a way to make ends meet. I had a love/hate relationship with this job. Even though the benefits, the pay, the security was a blessing. The selfish wife in me longed for more time with him. Less hours away from home. I hated the fact that he was gone before I woke up, and asleep before I got home. I missed my husband and sometimes I even prayed that God would find a way for us to have more time together as a family. Once again, God kept his promise...however this time, it was by my husband loosing his job. At that moment I realized that I was not depending on God to provide for my family. I was depending on our income.


With the job loss, you forget all the benefits of having a job. The insurance, the vacation time, the flexible hours.. all gone in a blink of a eye. Your first thought is the question God. Especially in this economy, what have we done so terrible that would make God allow this to happen to us. We have a mortgage, kids, bills due.... Then the worrying began. I was so focused on the "what are we going to do" instead of the "What is God’s plan for us???" I sat down and began to pray. First I prayed for peace. Peace to be able to handle this. Assurance that we are going to be okay. I opened my bible and began reading . The first passage I turned to was "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths"(Proverbs 3:5-6). Wow! That got my attention. The more I read, the words just started pouring off the pages and touching me in a way that they had never done before. Before I knew it, I had read 4 chapters and each chapter spoke to me in magnitude. I knew what I had to do.


I had to "GIVE IT TO GOD", (like I really had a handle on it in the first place). And I’m not talking about.. A little bit, I’m talking about total control. Do you know how hard that is? Total control means to trust God completely, praying and watching him work out ALL the details in your life. There are times I feel like screaming "Are you kidding me?" ............"Right now , you want me to learn this lesson???" Plus I had the anger and determination to protect my man by torturing and tearing out the eyes out of the people who did this. Yeah, I admit. I thought that.. :) I like to think that God knew how I was going to react.. And loves me all the same....

I thought I had been through the tough times, but learning to give God totally control is a feeling like no other. It is the true test of faith. Being able to step outside of your comfort zone and walk in total belief that God has brought you to this place in your life BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU. Because he wants to see you grow in faith. This IS his will for your life. That’s powerful stuff right there. Not only powerful, but very humbling.

It is very easy to get comfortable in your blessings. So much so that you stop thinking of them as blessings, but rather just something that you earned. Let me assure you. Everything you have is a blessing... Even the stuff you dont think are blessings are blessings. One lesson I realized was what a true gift it is to have a job. Even one that you don’t like so much. I look back at all the Mondays I mumbled and grumbled and drug my self into work, and wish I could take them all back. Welll. Most Mondays. :)

I guess what inspired me the most to write this is the fact that when I look back in time at what I thought were some of the biggest struggles in my life, where I held on to doubt and worry the most, and realized those are the times where I see the evidence of God’s hand upon my life. I can point out the exact moments where he directed "my" decisions and my walk with Him, from the biggest challenges to the most intimate moments of my day. In fact, he did that without me even realizing it. This was a tough blow for us, but I can already see Gods hand moving across us. We will be fine. We will become stronger. And even though I still have the instinct to try to understand and make sense of everything that happens to me and my family, it’s great to know I don’t have to understand everything. Isaiah 55:8-9 says, For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts".

So, to all the worry warts like me who may be reading this, my humble advise to you is this:

TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART. Even when things are out of control. They may not make sense to you, but God has a plan.



LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. "Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering; (for he is faithful that promised) —Hebrews 10:23

IN ALL YOUR WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM.-- God is faithful. Be faithful back.

HE WILL DIRECT YOUR PATHS --God totally directs our paths. As much as we fight it. He knows the directions he wants us to go. If we trust Him we can grow in faith...

I’m still learning this valuable lesson, but I know in my heart that everything is going to be just fine as long as I hold on to the things I can depend on. MY FAMILY, MY TRUST AND MY FAITH.
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