May

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ (Isaiah 41:10)

Dad:
I miss your smile
I miss your voice
I think I miss your hugs the most
My bestest friend
My helping hand
More than a dad
My biggest fan
Its beentwo years without you here
With Gods support I still see clear
I feel your presence when I feel alone
As long as my heart beats you'll never be gone


For those who know me, know that this is the month I lost my dad. God has once again given me the strength to get through it. I always like to look back at stuff I had written around the time things happen to see if I still feel the same. I found this on myspace.

This is what I wrote just a few days after my dad passed away:

Testimony? Sure everyone has them. Not always have I been proud of them, but over the past few weeks in my life, I know that there is no way I would have been able to get through it without God in my life. I have a unexplainable strength flowing through me. Before I would turn to everyone in my life to help me get past the hurt, anger and the devastation I am feeling, but this time I turned to God and I can feel his presence all around me. I never knew that feeling before. When I found out about Dad I said a lot of things that I have since then dealt with. But that is no body's business but mine and his. God knew how I was going to react and I have asked forgiveness for my anger. Now I go day to day knowing exactly where my parents are and nothing makes me feel safer. Im still hurt. I still dont understand why things happen the way they do, but I dont have to explain my actions to anyone but God. MY DAD WOULD NOT HAVE WANTED ME TO STOP LIVING. He was the hardest working, strongest, proudest, most giving, forgiving, understanding, gentle and wonderful man I have ever known and I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to fill at least one of his shoes. He was my confidant. My Rock. I dont know how to be anything but his daughter. Everything I do is to make him proud of the person I am. The mother I have become. The wife I strive to be. One thing I have to realize is that Im not going to always be the person everyone expects me to be. I cant take care of everything, but God can. Now it is time for me to step up start being the person God wants me to be. The Christian he wants me to become. The child of him that I know that I am. My heart is broken and day by day God is mending it.

What is My testimony?
1. Friend Follower ..................Now a God Chaser.
2. Once Meek............................Now Stronger than I could ever imagine
3. Pew Warmer with good intentions..............."up off dead center" :)
4. Overwhelmed with Anger.............Overwhelmed with God's love.
5. Left without a Mother and Father.............Child of God

Words can not express how blessed I am to have such caring and giving friends and family. Each one of you has helped me more than you realize. I just want to say Thanks. You know who you are. Be assured that I felt every prayer and I thank you.

Sometimes it just takes remembering how you felt to put that fire in you.